Search

Muffy's moves

trust the process

Free cents (sense) for a Quarter…of a century.

In honor of my birthday, I decided to share 25 (+ some) outcomes that I learned as I approach quarter of a century. There may be things that you already know, some that may apply now and some that you might need to keep at the back of your mind for later. Also, please feel free to contribute and add your own gems after 25.7 (I just couldn’t stop at 25! lol).

1. Cross that ocean. ****If it is within reason****, cross the ocean for the ones you love (even if its yourself) while you have time. If it’s on your heart to do, don’t let fear stop you.
2. Love without a limit. Love without a limit. LOVE. WITH. OUT. A. LIMIT!!!! Without a limit of age, gender, financial standing, social class, etc.
3. Love never fails. And if it fails, it wasn’t love.
4. Laugh. Often and deeply. My tourself and with good people.
5. Keep the good ones around! Keep them very close and treat them very Well!
6. Set. Boundaries. And stick to them!
7. You WILL change, almost daily. Your hair, style of clothing, taste in men, career choice, faith in God, etc.
8. It’s growth. Everything that’s going bad and everything that’s going well, it’s growing You! Flourish in the good times and uhhh…be as classy as you can through the bad. Lol.
9. It’s okay to cry. At the same time, it’s okay not to. Sometimes you’ll be the shoulder to cry on and sometimes you’ll need to borrow one. Be mindful of the shoulder you borrow.
10. Stay ready and you won’t have to get ready!
11. Financial literacy is something that you need. Unfortunately money doesn’t grow on trees…
12. At this point in life, some friends will be in school, or still figuring it out, or getting settled in their groove, and some will be married with children. You have to learn how to be a flexible friend.
13. At the same time, you have to learn that relationships change. They change because people grow at different rates and end up having a different set of standards. Accept where they are, accept where you are and continue to love them woth whatever outcome there is!
14. The next person is out there hustling just like you are. Getting it how they live just like you are. Tryna make it just like you are. Don’t judge them prematurely based off of previous circumstances/situations, but give them a head nod, word of encouragement or a hug then get back to securing the bag. Basically, don’t focus on what the next person is doing.
15. Sharing your “you-ness” with the world is the greatest gift that they could ever receive. The world needs a you like you.
16. Love liberates.
17. God never fails. NOT in his love, not in his faithfulness, and never with a promise. He is the best thing that has ever happened to and in me!
18. My mother is THE BOMB and one of my besties. My father is needed in order for me to be the best version of myself.
19. Expanding the openness of your mind will allow you to connect with and love people who you once had preconceived notions about. Expand early.
20. You have to go for it…even if you don’t want to. Going for it allows the ones behind you to see that it can be done and at the same time allows the ones ahead of you to see that their investment in you was well spent.
21. Each new day and every breath grants me a chance to fulfill my purpose.
22. You’re allowed to love from a distance.
23. Your level of Self-love is the foundation of how you will allow others to treat you for the rest of your life. Make your heart a priority…even if that leaves you alone (not lonely) for awhile.
24. Your words have power. Thinking before you speak is wondeful practice. It will save you from many apologies but at the same time, it can be a powerful tool help pick someone up out of a low place.
25. Sunflowers don’t need the sun to grow tall and point towards the sky. You don’t either, be a sunflower 🌻 (This is my most favorite lesson.)

25.1: when you do something different, expect a level of criticism that goes beyond that of which you have experienced before. Do it anyways.

25.2: Peace is so sacred and needed and taken for granted. Once you get some, grab hold to it and never let it go for anyone or anything. Fight for it.

25.3: the art of failing forward is one that everyone should learn.

25.4: be mindful of what you say, how you say it and WHO you say it to. Not everything needs to be said and not everything needs to be said to everyone.

25.5: Supporting people positively (with their talents, through grief, in school, or in their business) can lift you up while lifting them up. Go to their play, buy their album, patronize their business, etc.

25.6: You do not get to be mad or displace your anger when you, the created, have to deal with the consequences of the creator because you decided to play that role!

25.7: God will humble you and at the same time show you that you are still operating under your own will. Try your best to keep the faith, he always has your best interest at heart!

Thats all I have…for now.

24 has been a humbling, stumbling and tumbling hot mess. Right down to the last few days. 25, please give me SOMETHING good!

Love & light,

Muffy.

Advertisements

Tears. Soil. Seeds.

I know that I haven’t written anything since like August or September of 2017 and that’s my bad, y’all. October came then November was…. A LOT (to say the VERY LEAST), and then we all know that December is the most wonderful and the busiest time of the year!

None of that matters though. I should’ve still been committed enough to at least do an end of the year post. I had every single intention to do one, but I was lacking motivation and words. At one point I though of sitting down and doing a video post, but I’ve had trouble finding motivation to do My hair 😂. Listen, my phrase for 2018 needs to be “more motivation”.

Anywho, I’m coming through with a short little post today at the end of the first week of the year to give a little encouragement.

So, the majority of my 2017 was spent with tears rolling down my face. Nearly every. Single. Week. Since. The. 1st. Of. The. YEAR!! You know this if you read my post entitled “…But first, you must love yourself.” which explained the way i felt at that moment in 2017. It was a tough year in my life forrrrrr sureeeeee, but it wasn’t until the hardest month of 2017 rolled around that I really began to understand what God was doing.

November.

November has always been a very strange month for me. You never know what you’re going to get out of it and the way the first half of my 2017 was set up, I knew it was about to be a mess. I knew I had to prepare for relationships ending because others were beginning, another semester of school ending, the anniversaries of deaths, some specific dates that would take me deep off into my memories, launching my business, etc. Needless to say, my November was about to be full. I knew that I couldn’t take it on by myself so I decided to look to the hills.

I decided to do a fast for the whole month. Every single day from 6 a.m. to 12 p.m. I was fasting and praying. I had to stay diligent because I was drawing strength from God himself. You see, I’m a breakfast type of person and if I don’t eat something in the morning my day will be in shambles. So that’s what I had to give up. I gave up what I thought I needed to have a successful day so that I could have a peaceful month. And God came through in the most incredible way. Out of all of the months in the year, I knew for sure November would’ve sent me a water bill for all of the crying I would do, but ended up dropping 0 tears.

 

The things that I thought would break me only shook me. The heart that I thought would break only cracked. The frustration I thought I would endure never came.  

2017 taught me more than my little heart, mind and soul could handle, but it took me until the last month to realize one thing:

The tears that I shed throughout the year were purposefully brought about through the hurt, the tests and the trials so that they could be used as the water that is needed to reach the seed that God has planted deep inside of me.

Don’t ever think that God has forgotten about you and the things that you’re going through.

His plan is perfect.

He is a strategic God.

Most of his requests won’t make sense to you at the moment, do them anyways. The door has been slammed in your face and you don’t understand why, trust him anyways. The relationship ended for sure and it ain’t no coming back, keep your hope in love anyways! Just do me a favor and have an “anyways” type of year!

This might be your season of tears, but just remember that with every tear you shed you are watering your seed.

I love y’all, always.

Love & light, Muffy💜

Is it time for a team check?

Now, I know you may be wondering what I’m about to say. Maybe you think i’m about to give you some tips on how to get a monetary check for you whole team. I am not…well in a sense it could end up that way, but thats not my focus right now.

What I am asking is this: do you need to take a step back from everything and evaluate/re-evaluate who is on your team? We are getting close to the end of the year, 2 1/2 months to be exact, and you need to start evaluating who will be with you in 2018 right NOW! You cannot wait until the 11th hour or until a big blow up happens to know who is really for you. I really want to stress the importance of this evaluation because it could potentially cost you your peace, sanity, dream, all of your hard work, love, and, God forbid, YOUR MIND!!

I started thinking about this topic last week when I had a check off for lab and I was sitting just around with my classmates when we all got to talking about our success and how our last semester in the program (next semester) will go. The last semester of nursing school is split up into two 6 week periods, the first six weeks you only have 3 tests (2 regular and 1 final) and that alone is S C A R Y ! ! ! So, needless to say, it is easy to fail out in your very last semester in school! From that, we drifted towards the topic of one situation where one of our classmates was petitioning for one more chance to repeat the last semester. ALL I kept hearing from those surrounding me was negative professions:

  • “I don’t think that they’ll let her back in…”
  • “they’re super strict on their policies. There is no way!”
  • “*insert negative comment on how said person has 0 faith for other said person*”

I think you get the gist of what i’m saying.

I’m very vocal around my peers so I decided to make the statement that I had to watch what I said around them because they clearly do not have unwavering faith. I told them that I had faith in and for her and that I clearly needed to move away from that environment because I just COULD NOT with the negativity.

I truly believed that they would give this person another chance, not only because I will need SOMEONE to give me another chance one day, but also because nursing school is hard work and seeing them get to the end then not make it was not an option!! I need people around me who I KNOW are going to have faith for me when my strength happens to be down. I need people who are going to speak up for me even when i’m not around! I need my people to have some positivity in their words!

Our words have POWER!!

So, I am constantly checking my team and, not only seeing who is still for me, but also seeing how I can be there for them. This isn’t a one-way system! Someone once said that you are a direct result of the 5 people you are closest to, your few true. You need your “few true” to keep you going, these are: the people you talk to all the time, tell your dreams AND failures to, the people who carry you when you’re weak, and the people who push you past your current standard to reach a level past what you can even imagine!!

Make sure your people are okay and that the people around you (co-workers, friends, group members, peers, classmates, etc.) have your back, contingent upon the level of your relationship, of course. Make sure that they are for you 110% and nothing less. Evaluate the level of your relationship with everyone around you because there might need to be a level change for some people. The season might be up for someone and it takes you making that re-evaluation to realize that. If you don’t do anything else, make these 3 checks:

  1. Do they love me? Truly?
  2. On what level do they have my back? How invested are they in me and what I am doing/going to do? How do they speak to and about me?
  3. How much faith do they have in me? Especially when i’m in the valley and not on top of the mountain.

This is a short way in which you can decipher your few true v. family v. friends v. associates. Everyone who is with you isn’t always FOR you. Some people are with you for convenience, not because they’re committed to you and your purpose. That’s all it boils down to: protecting your purpose and following in the will that God has for you!

Again, don’t wait until you have a breakdown or a falling out to evaluate your team! Sometimes thats what it takes, but if you don’t have to wait for that to happen, then don’t!

And if nobody else is, know that I am rooting for you!

OH, and if you’re wondering if my one classmate got another chance, they did! Faith of a mustard seed is all you need. God will handle the rest.

Love, Muffy

*Always remember to trust the process

 

 

How To Love The Unlovable.

Source: How To Love The Unlovable.

How To Love The Unlovable.

So, everyone knows AT LEAST one person who is either so hardened or so broken and downtrodden that you cannot get through to them enough to love them. Even if that one person…is you…

How do I know this to be true, you ask? I know this because that person used to be me. I wasn’t completely unlovable, but I used to be reallllllll hard. Hard to get love from. My heart was totally hardened. Hard to get a hug from. Hard to get a smile out of. The way I talked was hard. The things I said…I just…it was bad. My favorite music was trap music (low low-key still is. lol.), but it was more of the kind that spoke nothing but “I don’t need you’s” and “love is for the weak” and all of that kind of foolishness. *deep sigh*.

Anyways, it’s hard to work around, hang around, or be in a relationship with a person like this because nothing is ever good enough for them. Not even the purest and the most genuine of love. I know that my lack of love stems from the void I had from not receiving conformational love from my father throughout my formative years. Parents and the crucial developmental years (infant to around 18) are so influential in who a person grows up to be and it teaches them how to love. SO SO incredibly influential.

For me, I saw nothing but love coming from my mother no matter what came her way. I saw her be nice and genuine to my fathers new wife, a year or so after they had been divorced, and that spoke volumes! She could have been bitter, mean and spiteful, but instead she showed love. On the other hand, I grew up seeing my father be nice and show love to everyone around us, but treat my mother as a second class citizen. And then he left, then they got divorced, then he sort of disappeared for a few years.

This is my my first view of love. This is a piece of what my foundation of love is made of.

Now, this type of situation can do one of two things:

  1. Make a person just totally emit all of the love that they could ever give to make up for the love that they never received or
  2. Close off so that no one ever gets a chance touch and love the parts of you that were never nurtured and loved in the manner that they were supposed to be.

I chose option #2. Obvi. I didn’t need anyone hurting me in the way that my father hurt my mother. I actively watched her go through that hurt and I decided that I wanted 0 parts of it. Because, honestly, truly, I feel like I would go FULL Bernie Waiting To Exhale on somebody…

What car. What clothes. What golf clubs. Never seen ’em. *flicks cigarette*

Anyways, within the last year I have been on the fast track to transition over to option #1. I had to grow up. Get a whole lot of Jesus. Have God fill my void. Then realize that my parents may also have parts of them that are void of love and that may have never been nurtured by their parents but they had to kind of go on because they now have their own children. This made me forgive him for the lack of love given, for whatever reason, and learn to love myself, even the “unlovable” parts. That was the key.

I had to accept that there may be an underlying hurt or past pain and love past that. For other people and for myself. It truly is not easy to love someone who isn’t capable of giving or receiving pure, unaltered love, but it’s worth putting forth the effort.

God loves us so much that he gave his whole son. Like…Jesus died on a whole cross because he loves us. This is the best example of how to love the unloved because we have been shown the greatest of love.

I urge you, don’t give up on your “unloved” person. Your co-worker, friend, partner, classmate, church member, parent, sibling, aunt, uncle, grandparent, etc. They need you to keep loving them because it is slowly healing them and filling a void. Your love is not in vain. Trust me.

And if you haven’t heard it today, I LOVE YOU! Down to the deepest and ugliest parts!

Virtual hugs & kisses xoxo

 

 

Love Muffy

Always remember to trust the process!

 

LAWRENCE. 

So. If you happen to live on the sunny side of a rock then you watch Insecure. And if you don’t, well…you better get up on this black girl 24k magic that Issa Rae created in a t.v. series.

**DISCLAIMER: if you haven’t watched the latest episode and you don’t like spoilers then don’t read another further**

K. You’ve been warned. Carry on.

 

 

CHILEEEEEE!!! Let me tell you how I felt Tasha on the most personal of personal levels when she told Lawrence, *ahem*, and I quote:

“You’re a f*ck boy. No, you’re worse than a f*ck boy. You’re a f*ck boy who thinks that he’s a good guy!!” 

I don’t know how many other people have dealt with a Lawrence, but my ex definitely meets that criteria 😂. Now, I don’t hate him, I don’t even dislike him anymore, but if I happen to ever travel back into 2015 (good lord, God FOR.BID.) imma just throw that line out there! Ijs.

Hurt people, hurt people. I will continue to say that until everyone has it good and stuck in their brains! But that is exactly what Lawrence is doing to Tasha.  Unnecessarily twisting her up in his already twisted emotions because “she’s good”. Chile who he needs is Jesus Christ to become his lord and savior, but that’s between him and his creator.

Buuutttt…on the other hand, Tasha knew he wasn’t with her because he had plans of building a strong black tribe with her. I don’t think she’s mad at the fact that he didn’t come back to the cookout, I think she’s mad that HE SAID HE WAS coming back, and didn’t. I mean, at the end of the day your word is your bond and he decided to lie…for why?!?! He knew he wasn’t coming back and he could’ve just said that. But instead he left her looking like booboo the fool, and if Tasha is anything like me, that’s worse than telling me a lie.

What really just made me so upset over this whole situation is the fact that he just hung up the phone and walked away from the situation like it was just another argument that he’ll bounce back from. Which leads me to believe that he alllllllready knew what he was (refer back to Tasha’s quote). Tasha’s statement warranted absolutely no surprise in him. Lawrence is the type of guy that teaches you one of your biggest lessons: the lesson of wasted time because you already saw the signs of him being no good.

Now I’m not saying that he’s always been no good or he won’t ever be any good, but at this point and time in his life he no good for you and your peace. He’s like a parasite…he feeds off of everything good and nutritious that you have to offer knowing good n well that everything in him is a virus. Unfortunately, “a Lawrence” is a common guy that nearly every female will encounter at some point in their life. Do yourself a favor sis, let him go and heal by himself before you decide to invite him to the family cookout and you will save yourself from having that extra “booboo the fool” stamped on your record.

Anyways, I still have all the faith in Lawrence, he just needs to go and heal from Issa so he doesn’t ruin Tasha or anyone else for that matter. Das it.

Signed, a former Tasha/booboo the fool

 

Monday Moves: Strength Edition 

Just as I was starting off my morning, mind boggled at the fact that God believes that I have enough strength to endure/journey through the situations I’m facing, I’m presented with this encouraging song:

The words simply state “Greater and better, coming back strong! Coming back strong, stronger than I’ve ever been before!” 

Now I’m coming out of a weekend filled with love, life and close friends/sister’s that should’ve filled me until I’m overflowing with strength for weeks on end. But I have found that these types of thoughts [thoughts of weakness and lack of endurance] lie dormant until you’re at a point of full vulnerability- extreme happiness (nothing can defeat me) or extreme sadness (nothing can help me).

Don’t get bogged down and discouraged by your thoughts, God has already placed ALL of the strength that you will ever need to complete your journey deep inside of you. You have to seek and trust him to acquire and keep it!

So for this last Monday in July, I encourage you to: Go get what’s yours! Walk in your strength! Head up, chest out. God literally has you covered 💜

Love Muffy💜

Remember to trust the process!

…But, Am I Prepared Though?

Source: …But, Am I Prepared Though?

…But, Am I Prepared Though?

So…back a few months ago when I decided to start loving better I started to realize that I wasn’t properly preparing myself for everything I wanted later on in my life. The main thing was my desire to be a wife. One day something clicked and I realized that I was preparing for everything else, but I guess I just figured that I would sort of fall into this role…? I don’t know why I thought that because everything else I desired required a process, but I guess that’s just the way my mind was set up. I started to think about all of the other things I desired and actively prepare for:

  • I wan’t to be a nurse: I have volunteered in hospitals, looked into my specialty, researched the career, shadowed nurses and asked questions, and now i’m in nursing school. Preparation.
  • I want to be a better baker: I try different recipes, perfect the ones that work, flip through cookbooks, ask other bakers questions and bake when I don’t need to. lol. Preparation.
  • I want to be a better example of love: I started giving more of me, extending myself more, asking those that love me how I can love better, evaluating how I was loving, and practicing loving like God. Preparation.
  • I want to be the best version of myself: I am starting to dig deeper into who I am, I am pouring love into me, I am re-evaluating my self-care practices, and I am setting goals and appreciating where I am in the now. Constant preparation.

As I look at this list of things I see a common factor: they were taught/demonstrated. In some way, shape or fashion, I have been taught how to get an education, cook, and love. But the more I think about it, I was never taught how to properly date/properly love a man/be a wife. There were two things that were always stated in my household 1) no dating until…ever (there was no specific time that we could date, I just kinda fell into it) 2) No sex until marriage. I mean, we (my sisters and I) also received what not to do/accept, but not really what we needed to do/give.

The relationship that I experienced directly (my parents) was toxic and quite frankly, it shaped my vision of marriage and my total lack of interest in it for a great majority of my life. My father shaped my idea of a husband and he made me never want one and I watched my mother evolve into that strong black woman narrative (in a positive way). She became the sole provider, protector, nurturer, breadwinner and head of household. I don’t fault her for any of the circumstances that were thrown our way (ultimately because she didn’t create them), but teaching us how to date and be a wife were not on the forefront of her mind. Making sure that we loved God and got an education so that we could be equipped for life was her main goal. In that, she reached great success because she raised 3 girls that moved past having just a bachelors degree, but also fell into bad relationships along the way.20170707_122147

Now, it doesn’t matter what you were exposed to or what your familial structure is, almost all people endure a bad/toxic relationship in their lifetime. I just feel like our exposure and the hand we were dealt gave us more of a chance of having one. You can’t help the hand you were dealt, you can only negatively accept it or change it for the positive.

I always thought that I was changing my situation for the positive, but I ended up going into relationships subconsciously searching for something that I would/could NEVER receive from anyone other than God. Some type of love and affirmations that I should’ve received from my own father that I have yet to receive, but it’s okay because God provides whatever we lack. It wasn’t until April of this year that I figured that I was going about this relationship thing all wrong so I decided that it was finally time for me to prepare the correct way.

I started by observing and hanging with women that are/were married and possess the wifely qualities that I see written in Proverbs 31: my mother, ladies from the church, my sister-friends, etc. I cling to more than one person because different people hold different strengths. Personally, my learning happens to be best when I sit back and watch the correct action being done so I had to develop a more personal relationship some of them to adequately receive. In addition to that, I started asking more questions, watching a Proverbs 31 series (issa link, feel free to click) and other sermons on YouTube, and using the Bible as a resource. While gaining all of this insight is when I found that I wasn’t properly loving myself, I needed to strengthen my relationship with God, and that I had some broken areas to focus on before I even thought about being in a relationship again.

20170707_122105

It is still all a process, as is everything, but i’m actually enjoying learning more about what foundational attributes men and women should be able to bring to the table to have a successful relationship. It’s never too late to learn how to be great and how to build from your mistakes!

*disclaimer: my parents aren’t perfect, I never expect them to be so I don’t fault them; it’s just that the deck that we were dealt from was laced with hardships that later built some crazy strength.*

Always remember to trust the process!

-Muffy

 

 

Create a free website or blog at WordPress.com.

Up ↑