So, it all started with this oneeeee (really it was a pack of two, but whatevs) little “nose ring” that I got back in September. All of what started you ask? Glad you asked, let me fill you in!
I was SO excited in this picture because my vision was going to come to life! Janet Jackson (yes, THEE Janet Jackson) was coming to Orlando on her #Unbreakableworldtour and there was no way I could NOT pay homage to her in some way! After looking through all of her looks from the past few decades (while blasting her countless albums in the background) I decided to key in on the 90s! I mean….because why not?! She had soooooo so many great looks, but I finally keyed in on the look that I wanted to go for and I was really excited about it. Obviously. My next step was to put the outfit together. I noticed that all through the 90s she had a septum piercing in and I was intrigued and scared at the same time. Intrigued because it was new and also scared because of the same thing.
I went to claires the next day because I figured they’d have some, but the options were slim and didn’t fit the occasion. I called my sister who was at another mall and she got a pack for me from forever 21. She met me at the mall I was at and soon after is when I took the picture above! I won’t upload my selfie album on here but let’s just say…..I have lots of pictures with this piercing in. I was not scared anymore! Lol. Now, from the context clues above anyone can tell that the thing was fake. I left this little key fact out when I sent a picture to my mother. Lol. Needless to say, she freaked out. Now I will preface this by saying that she is against tattoos and piercings, other than earrings, and reminds me of this often. She instantly texted me back in all caps telling me of her disdain and asking why I did it. She called my sister and everything telling her to pray for me and whatnot. I thought it was hilarious and I was going to drag it out for as long as possible. Well my other sister who wasn’t in on keeping quiet about it being fake spilled the beans before I could. My days of harassment, from my mother at least, were over.
I have literally been wearing it since (my mother still cringes at the sight of it) and I have learned to love it. It was meant to be a one time thing, but I loved how it changed my whole look. Of course I got a lot of stares and side eyes, but I also got many compliments. I was a little skeptical about wearing it to church, but then I said people are going to talk anyways and went ahead and did it. I just knew that people would automatically turn their noses up and comment negatively instead of asking “why?” With the intentions of actually knowing why. What i wasn’t here for was people commenting on it who I didn’t have a close personal relationship with. My whole thing is you don’t even know me!
Fast forward to today, the first of November! I have been wearing this piercing for a good month and a half at this point. Granted, I don’t wear it every single day because I forget/it gets annoying. But today I wore it and I got a comment on it from an adult that I’ve know personally since I was about 5/6. I knew he was going to be totally and completely against it, but I wasn’t ready for the exact words that flowed out of his mouth.
I turned and he saw it and said “no. You need to get rid of that.”
I said “oh. I like it.”
And I intended on leaving it at that, but the next comment made me do quite the head tilt.
He said “that doesn’t fit your personality” and I swiftly said “it does, this is the new me!”.
Then he went back and said “well you need to go back to the old you!”
And that is where I left it. I just couldn’t believe, that without asking or knowing about the new me, a person would want to just brush that to the side. Essentially disregarding all of that effort and love I’ve devoted to myself and not even thinking about the growth that I’ve accumulated.
That whole interaction bothered me and I couldn’t stop thinking about it all day. When I can’t get something off of my mind I like to stop and think about how things could have gone differently or how I might be in the wrong. Some things I thought about were: If I do stop wearing it will people even notice enough to care like they did when I did wear it? Will I be conforming to other peoples ideal of what makes me “me”? Am I really hurting people if I do wear it? And lastly “Is the new version of myself really as great as I think it is? Or, like others seem to think, is the old version really “better”?
I had a mini identity crisis like so when I decided to change the texture of my hair and go natural a few years ago. Some of the same people turned up their nose (and still do even though my hair STAYS Fleeky, tuh!) and that change in my hair helped me to gain most of my confidence! It also taught me how to brush negative comments/opinions to the side if they do not come with an alternative solution.
I am wondering if I should follow the same pattern and just live my life the way I feel fits me best or if I should take others comments into consideration. Though I do appreciate the old me because it made me ALL of who I am today, I also believe that I become a new version of myself every morning I wake up. Growth is such a continuous process that is often times confusing when it comes to making the right decision about taking the next step. Not sure what I am going to do int he long run, but I probably will still wear it for awhile. lol. This thing called life……..it’s crazy.
Trust the process.