So. I am currently supposed to be writing a research paper so that I can get it out of the way so that I can study for finals happening next week buttttt I just need to get something off of my chest first. Just work with me for a second.
This post is entitled “fearless” because that is my “one word” for 2017. Earlier this year my Auntie sent out a text and asked everyone what their “one word” (a practice developed by Mike Ashcraft where you pick a word to challenge you for the year. click the link to find out more.) would be for the year. I thought it over for a few days and finally settled on the word fearless. My mother thought that I should’ve picked another word…I forget what it was though. Now, at the moment I didn’t exactly understand why I decided to pick the word, but something in my spirit was telling me to stick with it.
So it’s January and the new semester has started and it is A L R E A D Y getting the best of me- from the stupid car to struggling with not having an intricate part of my support system there to simply still being uncomfortable in this uncomfortable season. I was like…some…thing…has…GOT… to give! So I started getting myself together to act on my one word: fearless.
I started with my fearless pursuit for love. At this point in my life I just got kind of fed up with me being selfish- “why am I not feeling the love that I deserve?” “This person should show more concern for me. Why don’t they?” “I don’t like this persons attitude. They don’t deserve to be treated this type of way”. All of that just reeks of selfishness so I asked God to help me love like him, have a pure heart like his so I decided to implement love in every situation that I could. I started reach out and express the love that I want/think I deserve from those who fail to show it to me. I started expressing more love to those who already show me an over abundance of love. Now it is becoming more natural and I am becoming a little more gentle with people. God’s love will always win.
Next came my fearless pursuit for God. I have been pursuing him, but I can’t say that it has been a fearless journey. Over the past year he has placed me in various situations where I was uncertain of the outcome and it made me super uncomfortable. I was uncomfortable being uncomfortable. There has always been some cushion or padding in my life that has been my safety net to fall back on, but God needed me to be uncomfortable so that I would get up and fall in line with his plan and will for my life. I’d be in prayer every Tuesday just asking God what it was he needed from me for him to get the greatest glory and for me to be at peace. He answered me in prayer during the first night of consecration with the church and simply said “I need all of you” and thats when my fearless pursuit really began.
I didn’t know exactly what I needed to do, but I knew that I needed God to do it so I let go of any negative impinging ideas and went in head first. Now, I had been thinking about baptism for awhile, because I knew I needed it, but I knew this was the perfect time. This morning of my baptism I just remember everyone being so excited and me having to keep it together because the person I got baptized with was nervous. lol. All within one week I was baptized and filled with the holy spirit! No greater love have I ever felt, experienced, or known. My fearless pursuit started to feel just that much more fearless.
I am still fearlessly pursuing love and God, but becoming comfortable in my uncomfortableness has been the greatest product of my “one word”.
Needless to say, God revealed to me my “why” to my one word almost instantly, but I had to work with it a little bit. Makes me wonder what other things he will make me fearless about within the coming months of this year.
Anyways, as always, keep trusting the process.